I know it’s none of my business how you hang your toilet paper. It’s your bathroom and certainly as your visitor I know you would be quite horrified to know that I’m actually changing your toilet paper around. I’m sorry, I know, this is way too much information. But it drives me nuts when the paper is under and not over. If I go back to the table without switching it around, I will not be able to focus on the conversation and all I would see is your upside down roll. For the sake of successive disclosure, I also change the toilet rolls in restaurants, hotels and public bathrooms. Apparently research has shown that 70% of people like their paper to be over, although the other 30% does it under because it will have less chance to unroll during an earthquake or in an RV rolling down the road.
When you walk next to me, I will keep switching you if you wander to my left side. That’s my spot and my energy just doesn’t feel right when I’m on the inside. I know it’s a gentleman thing to protect a woman from oncoming cars. It’s ok, I won’t think less of you, and if we don’t switch, I again will be too distracted to focus on your company.
If we share a laundry room, you will discover the stinky smell of clothes left in the washer makes me gag. Some front loader washing machines over time also develop the same odor. Ugh. I find the musty stench disgusting. When I moved after my divorce, finding the perfect washer and dryer became a bit of an obsession. Great was my joy when I found the latest in advanced laundry technology: a washer and dryer combination all in one! Wow! It is my most treasured appliance and I refuse to ever again live without it. It brings me comfort to know that I never have to switch another load from a washer to a dryer. I can program it when I leave for my office or when I go to bed and hours later I’m treated to the wonderful fragrance of freshly washed and dried laundry. If your separate washer and dryer is important to you and you want to live with me; it would be necessary to build a utility room large enough to house all three pieces. The good news is mine doesn’t require a separate vent plug.
Much to my kids’ amusement, I’m always adjusting the light switches in my house for mood. Every single light switch present has a dimmer and there really is seldom a reason to have the light on its brightest setting. The softer glow of a dimmed setting creates such a better ambiance. Consistent in my desire to establish a romantic atmosphere, I always request from the manager to adjust a restaurant’s lighting when it’s super bright. I really don’t need to dine with the lights glaring at my food, my dinner companion, or the people present. My obsession with the setting of electric lighting can be explained because my most favorite light includes candlelight, moonlight, dawn, sunset, an open fire and all the other beautiful hues nature presents me with daily.
I’m not a carpet fan and will struggle to live in a house without hard flooring. I love beautiful rugs and consider flooring to create the framework to showcase their intricate design and craftsmanship. A rug on a carpet just loses its punch, but there is another very compelling reason I’m not a carpet lover. Dust. Although it’s present, you cannot see dust on a carpet. The same way socks disappear in the wash, dust appears from nowhere. I recently googled “where does dust come from?” and was utterly amazed that most of it is “dead skin cells, fibers from clothing and other material, pollen, dander and tiny particles of dirt. Dust comes from objects in the environment, and from the people and animals that live in it.” Gross! On a carpet dust will be my unseen enemy and my nights will become sleepless battles to find it.
The creation of sinks has altered the behavior of food particles. In the old days when we used buckets to wash our dishes, the remnants of our meal knew where it will go when tossed out – the ground. I’m a firm believer today our sinks stay dirty unless you spend a little time to scrub them clean after you wash the dishes because the food particles don’t want to be flushed down the deep unknown abyss of a drain pipe. I cannot stand a sink covered in the dull film of old dried food specks. My kids know that “cleaning the dishes” also implies “cleaning the sink”.
In any subsequent life, no one would ever want to be my car, cell phone or computer. It’s messy. As a real estate broker, my car substitutes for my office frequently. My poor cell phone objects to the hard labor I put it thru daily and my laptop rebellion includes automatic restarts. I cannot stand it when you get the little Windows message that your computer has to restart, press “now” or else it will restart automatically one day later. As a past computer programmer, who designed the stupid message? It’s my computer and I don’t want it to restart ever if I had my way. Doesn’t Microsoft know that I have about twenty Explorer windows open as reminders of things I need to address? And that is before you count the many open Outlook messages and Google Chrome windows containing unfinished to-do lists. I find it utterly frustrating when it starts the 14 minute countdown to restart. I feel such pressure to be ready when the computer just shuts me out. I have learned a trick lately. When the little pop-up appears, I just perform a hard reboot. It keeps us both happy because the computer gets its latest updates and I have the magical little Explorer message “your last session unexpectedly ended, do you want to restore your sessions?” – Yes, I do!
I shared my quirk list with my kids and they insisted that I added a few more to the list. Sigh. Ok that’s fine. I’ll continue with the most benign – grooming. If we lived in the jungle and picked fleas off each other as part of the daily tribe activities; I would not mind if you could climb a tree using your toe nails to anchor you from branch to branch. But we don’t and I expect people choosing to share my household to cut their nails, shave their facial hair and trim any other fur tending to grow in long single strands from various body spots. I expect special recognition from all my kids’ future life partners as both are very skilled in body sprucing. And I know my voice reminding them to “groom” will haunt them thru eternity. You are welcome.
According to my son, time slows down for me when I’m extremely hunger and happen to walk into a restaurant. Apparently I become a bit of a caged animal and glaring at the kitchen door and wait staff every two minutes becomes an obsessive compulsive behavior born from a drop in my blood sugar. At first I tried to argue that it’s not true, but after being reminded of several recent incidents where my conduct was a little inappropriate compared to local customs of being fed within a reasonable time, I guess I cannot ignore my primal instinct when it comes to food and I’m hungry! I should probably carry some nuts in my bag to tie me over until my food order finally materializes from the kitchen.
Electronics light pollution. You know . . . the green tinge of all our gadgets when the lights are out? Ugh. I cannot go to sleep knowing these artificial light sources shine around me. My burglar panel is in my bedroom and I drape it in a brown towel to hide its brightness nightly. The GFCI plug in my bathroom has this little green light and when it’s dark, its green beacon screams at me. I have to readjust the door so it’s obscured from my sight. I refuse to sleep with an illuminated alarm clock and when I’m in hotels I either unplug them, turn them to face the wall or wrap them in a towel.
We all have our idiosyncrasies and they make us the unique and wonderful beings we are. Like our fingerprints, no two people share the same combination of peculiarities. We should own our own quirk list proudly. Feel free to change your toilet paper back to under after I leave your party. You won’t hurt my feelings because I know how it will bug you all the way to bed!